Well, the night was interesting as it always is when my family is all together. Now that my aunt’s finally had some kids and my cousins are coming to Christmas again, we have quite a crowd…13, I think. One uncle still refuses to come heh. Okay but most everyone knows I am a complete smartass, and so take my smartassness times 11 and that is what Christmas is with my family. I swear I could make money off the family videos. We’re fricken hilarious. My uncle is my best friend. I only see him about once a year, but he and I think on the same wavelength, so we have good times. He shares my taste in classy things. Heh.

Well, I got spatulas rated at 750 degrees, hot pads, a pizza cutter, and a Chicago cutlery paring knife. Yes, these are crucial items! My aunt got me this really cool glass pig with colors swirled in it. My grandma made my sis and I “Vera Bradley” knock-off purses. For the record, my grandma was making these way before this lady started selling them for $75+. I do not have a purse fetish, so I was not as excited as my sis about it. Heh. I also got two bags of chocolate covered peanuts, which I’ve totally been craving.

My grandma got my dad a roll of toilet paper with “Marry Christmas” embroidered on the first sheet. Yeah, my grandma is not a typical grandma. She’s the source of my personality. Anyway, my dad, who always asks us how to spell things, was like, “uh marry? m-a-r-r-y?” My grandma said, “Oh shit, I made 3 of those”. Dad add, “It scares me that the toilet paper holds the embroidery, must not be easy on the ass”, sparking my other uncle to step in with the quote of the night:

“It’s like John Wayne…rough, tough, and doesn’t take any shit”

Haha he’s usually the quiet one so it cracked all of us up. We went on to discuss all the people that had likely seen my grandma spelling “marry” wrong and didn’t say anything. Well, it was funny but likely not funny typed. Some neighbors brought over a bottle of wine and my aunt was like “oooh just in time” to which I was like “Seriously. No kidding.” Sometimes our Christmas’s do not go so well but it’s been good the last few years.

One of my dad’s cows went into labor late last night. He checked on her this morning and had to pull the calf, but he couldn’t get it out by himself, so he had to rope the cow to a pole and hook the calf to his truck. (Don’t freak out…it happens sometimes) My dad said the heifer wouldn’t push at all and so the calf was gone by the time he got it out. He said he beat & blew on it all he could but lost it. Thus, he became an asshole, yelling and screaming at all of us, which caused mom to yell & scream. I tried to explain that it’s just dad’s way of dealing with the guilt of losing the calf and if the rest of us would stay calm, it’d be fine. Maybe mom will understand that some day. You would think after being married for nearly 25 years, they would understand each other a little better by now.

Yeah, so I’m wordy heh. That’s what happens with these 1 am posts. Well, Merry Christmas! Hopefully, none of you were stuck in that 40-mile traffic jam on 65. If so, sucks to be you.