One of my clients contacted me yesterday, letting me know that her mother was in the hospital and that she’d be out of the office. She’s really in bad shape, only 20% of her heart is functioning. Her mother is such a wonderful lady, and I truly was upset to hear the news. However, as I was drafting my reply, I found myself having an inner struggle.

I knew the normal, appropriate thing to say was “I’ll keep your family in my prayers,” but I also knew that was a blatant lie since I do not pray. I could not bring myself to say that and beyond that, I never like it when people say such things to me. Maybe if I were a fellow pray-er, I’d feel differently. *shrug* So then I debated, “I’ll keep your family in my thoughts,” but seriously, though that is not a lie, what the hell good is that to anybody? “I’m thinking about you.” “Oh, thanks…that makes it all better.” I finally decided to comment that her mother was a strong lady and that I believed the fact that her spirits were high would go a long way. Although my final response was far from a literary victory, it wasn’t a lie or denial of reality.

So later in the afternoon, I get an email from her assistant about content status and at the end she tells me about my primary client’s mother, assuming I didn’t know already. She closes it by saying “Please keep her family in your prayers.” It was almost funny because I’d spent all that time earlier knowing that’s what people expected me to do and then this lady comes right out and confirms it.

I just can’t bring myself to use these comfort phrases, especially religion-related. When on the receiving end, I’ve never found them comforting but actually rather irritating. I think it’s possible that many others feel the same way. It all just fits in with my general philosophy of needing justification for most things. In this case, these phrases are wasted air that possibly help the speaker sleep better at the end of the day, but in reality don’t do anything to help the person that needs it. They know full well you’re talking out of your ass when you say such things.

So try the truth on for size.