My personalized horoscope for today:

May 17, 2004
Unlike on other occasions, today you won’t refrain from displaying your true feelings. You normally hide them, Mindy, but they are still there, deep down inside you. You may think that showing your feelings is a sign of weakness and can blur your vision. But today, you will show the world that your heart isn’t made out of stone, and you will let yourself go.

Now someone tell me that that isn’t freaky as hell. It has a different one for every single birthday date. I checked. man.