For years, I’ve had a recurring theme in my dreams. The surroundings and people always change, but it’s always the same situation: I’m driving and the brake peddle is just out of reach of my foot and I desperately need the brakes at that moment. I have one at least weekly. The last one was 2 nights ago, and I was driving Rachel/Carrie. I seemed to be wrapped in a blanket, so I couldn’t move my foot to the brake or feel where the brake was through the blankets. I was driving Carrie’s car, and we were approaching a car. In every dream, I never actually hit anything, but my last view is of being an inch from doing so. Every occurrence is in slow motion, too, which makes it even more frustrating.

Anyway, get to the point, Mindy. This last dream I let the car drift off the side of the road up a grassy bank after the close encounter, because I felt completely drugged and incoherent. I looked to Carrie/Rachel and asked them to drive. That’s what makes this significant. In all these dreams where I’ve severely struggled, I’ve never once just stopped the car and asked for help.

I haven’t completely decided what this means, but I’m hoping it’s good. My main guess is that it shows I’m finally trusting people again. Lord knows I’ve been a paranoid, distrusting loner for the longest time. I’m glad I went through all the shit I did, though, because now I can better appreciate the company of people…well of certain people :)

And now that rage is barely at a simmer. Time for more better days.