This week has been very hard. My nerves were wrecked, and I was walking around with a self-destruct countdown stamped on my forehead.

By some miracle, right around lunch time, I was told we were going down to Autofuss in Potrero Hill to look in on a video shoot for Nike Tiempo. That hour side-track turned my entire world around, at least for awhile. I truly believe it prevented a nervous breakdown. I probably can’t share the video I shot just yet. The camera rig was Detroit-powered. It was incredible.

As I said, before the shoot, my week was going downhill at top speeds. I fear it was extra stressful because of the looming anniversary tomorrow shall deliver. After tomorrow, I will no longer be able to say I’m new to San Francisco or that I just moved from anywhere. Yes, tomorrow marks my one-year anniversary of entering California and crossing the bay in to this city. Yes, I made it.

I had grand plans for my move here, but I’ve barely touched my to-do list. My brain is quite aware of my failures on that front. Considering that tidbit, it shouldn’t be too surprising that a few minor setbacks at work were enough to trigger a full backlash of self-loathing.

The enthusiasm about being somewhere new is finally sliding down. From this point on, my observations are likely to be less masked by wide-eyed wonder.

I’ve certainly had a crisis of faith on several occasions over my decision to move my life out here. They come especially when my job is bringing me down or on days when I want nothing more than the company of a friend who knows me through & through. Everyday is hard, but I look for ways to make it better. I find myself looking out to Golden Gate every morning & evening, as if it’s my duty to keep a watchful eye. I’m reassured by the fact that upon sight of it, I still have to pinch myself to believe it’s real. I owe that bridge 50% of my sanity.

Despite the sacrifices I made to come here, the move seemed to untie so many subconscious anchors I had lowered on myself. Now, there are so many places I can see myself living. If only I could figure out the combination to my career lock, I’d be on my way. But maybe I’ll unleash some magic on this Young Lions project this weekend and open up a new door. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t secretly hoping for that outcome.