For the Maker of all things and all persons stands behind us, and casts his dread omniscience through us over things.

~ Emerson from The Over-soul

I read that line on the bus the other day and the image that came to mind was that of myself as this gigantic translucent being that stands between the sun and all other persons and things. And every negative or selfish thought turned a part of me dark and opaque. I could only imagine it was a glimpse at the philosophy that guided Ghandi and the like to such great heights. The power of the image was overwhelming.

And so the rest of this week, it was as if a light had been switched on. I don’t let negative thoughts enter me. I’ve been myself in all realms, following what feels right, not what makes me this or that. The freedom of mind is a bit of a power trip. Never have I felt so disconnected from the fears and anxieties that have always weighed so heavily on my mind.

It’s a true trial in being transparent and being myself is the best road there. It’s from basic things like sleeping when I’m tired, leaving a party when I stop having fun, and embracing embarrassing moments to bigger notions like providing support, even to people who have hurt or bothered me, and trying to deliver something more to other people in general.

Samples of my progress. I felt like social time Friday, and I went way out of my way to find it. I would have typically just accepted a depressing night alone on the internet, but that would go against my new religion of being a little selfish to aid the greater good. I met up with Jason at the Elbo Room, where again there was no settling. We went chill places and talked. I didn’t drink much because I didn’t feel like it. It was a really nice evening without any over-exertion, excess spending, or doing things I didn’t want to.

Before plans with Jason happened, I’d already visited Strictly Platonic on Craig’s List, seeking plans (I wasn’t kidding when I said I worked hard). I saw a post about joining a guy with an extra ticket to the sold out Conor Oberst show. I didn’t debate it and rationalize it, I opened up gmail and sent a brief email. And so, last night I met up with a perfect stranger at Farley’s (a great spot btw) and saw an incredible concert. He was a cool guy and we had a nice time.

Bottom of the Hill is incredible. It’s my Radio, Radio of the west. I never imagined I would be able to see Conor at such an intimate venue, but there I stood, 10 feet from a tiny stage. The opening act, Dri, was also quite incredible. A Morcheeba meets Velvet Underground trip-hop/psychedelic act from Lawrence, KS, they may have put us all in a trance but it was fantastic. I just closed my eyes and jumped in. They closed with a cover of Velvet Undergrounds I’m Set Free. Magic.

The best part about last night was I didn’t have my typical freak out on the way there about how weird the night was going to be. I’m finally getting to the point where I can greet strangers with the same personality I usually keep inside for only my close friends. There was a moment in the show where I had my branch on the tree realization. It was a sudden sensation of feeling like I was completely who I was supposed to be in that moment and with that realization, I saw myself in the balance of the whole world. As Emerson says, language falls short of being able to verbalize that sort of experience. It’s just something you know to be true because it just is.

Though I was a bit drunk on sleepiness, I was free of inhibitions without partaking of any alcoholic beverages. I rocked a water with no pressure to do otherwise. There was not a moment where I worried how other people were seeing me. It sounds silly to normal people but that was a huge step for me.

But yes, the concert was amazing. I saw Conor smile during 2 songs, which was also huge. He’s a very serious performer. The encore kicked off with a set by The Mystic Valley Band which stepped in to a cover of Harry Nilsson’s Everybody’s Talkin’, which Conor joined in on midway through. It was simple and great. I’m only a bit sad that some of my favorite songs from the show aren’t on the album and obviously, it would have rocked to hear some Bright Eyes tracks in that venue. Photos from both shows

Earlier in the day I ventured down to Haight St to see Conor and the Band perform at Amoeba Records. It was my first taste of his new band, and it definitely made me more excited for the show later that evening. However, Conor was wearing shades inside and that really bugged me. I might have left the show if he’d pulled that same crap later in the night. I had the star-struck moment too. Well, I’m not even sure that’s the word for it, but it’s quite possible I’ve heard more of and listened more closely to this guy’s words/voice than to those of my closest friends so he’s sort of been this invisible powerful influence in my life. There was a strange reality to seeing him stand under the same fluorescent glow, ahead of me, so average and normal.

Friday and Saturday were beautiful days in San Francisco, and I feel I soaked them up for everything they had to offer. And on top of everything else, I have a nice queue of projects at work and new people to work with. I also earned a spot on a concept team for a new pitch we’re doing. I’m definitely glad I spent some time working during my vacation. It’s all paying off. I’m just going with it. I think so long as I’m true to who I am, I will end up where I want to be.

Also, as soon as I got on the bus home from the show, I got a text from my friend, Dave E.

@ lolapal00za
wouldnt be here if it wasnt 4 u :) thx mindy

I had no idea what he was talking about, but it seems my mention/encouragement to team up with MOKB as a photographer for shows they cover has really panned out. He’s at the festival with a photography pass, enjoying free beer and the best seats you can get. And that was the perfect crowning moment on my week. I considered counting that against my life list item to help someone achieve their dream, but instead, I shall make that item a tally and see how many times I can chalk one up. In all honesty, that feeling you get when someone thanks for you something even as small as that makes for a wicked high.

And as a closing thought, I shall do the big blog no-no and quote song lyrics.

So I come to make a trade. You can hate me but just love me in return.
...
There’s nothing that the road cannot heal.

~ Conor Oberst Moab