December 31, 2012
Updating my blog has so obviously fallen by the wayside. I’m officially a year & a half behind on posts. It’s unfortunate because I like being able to look back at where my head was at on any given day in any given year. I never got around to posting my end-of-the-year summary for 2011, but I didn’t want to miss out on it this year. I wasn’t sure where to begin in summarizing 2012, so I read my NYE posts dating back to 2004 for inspiration. Reading all of those reminded me that although my life has gotten more interesting, it’s also gotten more complicated. In 2004, my biggest concern was picking my top albums of the year. If only. It’s encouraging to see growth and change with each year, though, and to have record of following through on ambitions stated. Seven years later, my bucket list still gets my attention. And my wish for the 10’s to bring about a massive road trip has already delivered two, totaling almost 13,000 miles. I’ve also stuck to my new career, paid off my car, and took one last stab at comedy in SF. And well, my hope to maybe have a relationship this decade—it’s a work in progress.
2012 had a rocky start and an almost rocky end but overall, this year had a theme I can’t ever regret: pursuit. I tried finding myself with the help of an analyst in the start of the year. What I realized is that I have problems just like everyone has problems. Talking about them was nice but I realized all that talking wasn’t helping me act on fixing/moving past them. I made my first short film and sought information about changing the course of my career. I accepted that I’m too scared to make that change. There’s no sense in hating my job so long as that fear persists.
After the success of my last road trip, I decided to go double or nothing for my next adventure. 8700 miles & 25 states. It’s never something I thought I’d do alone but I was so glad I did. It takes about that many miles to get perspective on the big picture. I loved the places I traveled but I was most proud of the number of people I met/reconnected with along the way.
I got back to SF feeling wonderful about the trip but feeling terrible about being back. It was a rough few months as I tried to sort out why I was so unhappy. I finally got my head out of my ass. I joined the local MINI club and met a bunch of older people who are even crazier about their cars than I am. I sought out new friendships based on mutual interests. I transformed SF back into a place I wanted to explore by stating an official quest to own every local SF holiday tradition. And I have to say that I feel the happiest/most content about living in SF and being at my job than I have in a couple years.
Happiness isn’t in any destination. It’s in the pursuit. And, I’d stopped pursuing for too long. Thirteen has always been lucky for me, so despite the ups & downs of this past year, I think I’ve laid out a solid foundation for the year to come.
And for old time’s sake, here are some lists.
A short but solid list
- The Walkmen
- Andrew Bird
- Fiona Apple
- Beach House
- The Black Keys - El Camino
- Andrew Bird - Break It Yourself/Hands of Glory
- Fiona Apple - The Idler Wheel…
- The Walkmen - Heaven
- DJ RyanP Mix CD based around my discovered love of Gene Clark
- MINI Takes the States. Coast to coast and back
- Portland, OR
- New York, NY
- Santa Monica
Don't Make Promises - Paul Weller